Hey there! To start off the juiciness, I would like to get straight to it and talk about…..
Infertility is something that I started experiencing when I turned 22 years old. I noticed my menstrual cycles were off and months would go by where I haven’t had a period. So, I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist, and she couldn’t exactly explain what it was that she was seeing but she saw something was abnormal with my ovaries. I remember her saying that I was going to experience menopause at an early age, and that I had to work on having a baby right away. She also suggested I see a specialist as soon as possible. I was so confused and so broken inside. I immediately set an appointment with another doctor in Manhattan. She agreed that I would experience menopause early, but she also further explained that what I was experiencing is called premature ovarian failure. As those words rolled off her tongue, I broke inside again. Just hearing that your ovaries are failing at such a young age is unbelievable. At the time I had symptoms like, pain during sex and I would go 4-6 months without a period, which is also why I made the appointment with my gynecologist in the first place. I also experienced hot flashes, fatigue, night sweats, insomnia, not wanting to have sex because of my mood swings, and of course trouble getting pregnant.
So, during the time of disbelief, my boyfriend and I discussed that we would eventually go to the fertility doctor so they could do their due diligence and tell me what my next steps would be. We were only 22 and 23 at the time and didn’t plan to be such young parents but we both agreed that we wanted to start a family one day, and we wanted all the good stuff that follows with it.
Fast forward to a couple of months after hearing the unfortunate news, my period was suddenly back on track and when it stopped again, I took a pregnancy test just for the heck of it and to my surprise, I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe I got pregnant without any help from the fertility doctor. I went ahead and planned an appointment with my gynecologist again, and I had to wait a very long week to see the doctor. You could only imagine how my emotions were in such a whirlwind. So, the day finally arrived, my boyfriend came with me to the appointment, and the doctor asked when my last period was, he took my urine and saw my HCG levels were high and tells me that I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I was ready to cry! But then, he does the exam and he’s looking at the sac on the computer screen and he’s looking for the baby so we can hear a heartbeat… There was no baby.
I was so confused all over again, just stuck and listening to the doctor as he tells me this is an anembryonic pregnancy, or in other terms a blighted ovum. It’s when a fertilized egg implants in the uterus, but it doesn’t develop into an embryo. The placenta continues to grow, releasing pregnancy hormones which also explained why I was experiencing all these pregnancy symptoms as well. I mean my belly was growing, I was having cravings, I was nauseous most of the time, always hungry, everything! Then to hear that the sac was empty… I was just staring at my belly and asking God, why? Why me? It just didn’t make sense. Now we’re sitting in his office while he’s explaining that I’m going to have a miscarriage, and what my options are to pretty much speed it up, so I don’t get an infection. He offered to do a D and C (Dilation and Curettage), which they surgically remove the placenta and the tissues, or take medication which was a pill and within those 24 hours the miscarriage will begin. To be honest, in this moment I was listening but at the same time it was going in one ear and out the other. Could you imagine just sitting there with a blank stare on your face and this knot in the back of your throat while you try so hard to hold back your tears? That was me. As soon as my boyfriend and I got back to the car, I just burst out crying for the entire 20-minute ride back home.
I thought about it for a week or two. I read so many articles about women having multiple appointments because the baby was hiding in the sac and later came out to show itself. For so long I held onto hope; hoping that maybe that was my situation as well. Unfortunately, 2 weeks passed by, and I started spotting. Right then I knew what I had to do. I called the doctor, and I asked for the medication to speed it up. I would say 12 hours later I was pain. It was weird because I didn’t know what this pain was that I was feeling until I later learned that it was contractions. It was like a pinch in the middle of the night that I felt every 20-30 minutes. I was in and out of the bathroom, just heavily bleeding. This continued for the next 2 days I would say before it felt like a normal period that lasted an extra 2 weeks. I was so miserable, immediately sunken into depression and it showed. It showed in my work, it showed in my day-to-day living just not wanting to leave the house, and if I did leave the house I would be out with my boyfriend on a date and randomly start crying, every day I was deep in my emotions and I couldn’t find my way out of that funk. This depressing stage that I was in lasted for a good 6 months.
It was now June 2019, I finally planned a vacation with my friends, my period was back on track, and I finally began to feel like myself again. Work was good and life was good; I just let go and let God. I still couldn’t understand why all these troubles stumbled upon me, but I was glad to be one of God’s strongest soldiers. I was even happier to have supportive friends and family by my side through all the ups and downs at that time. Premature Ovarian Failure is something I must deal with for the rest of my life, but to fast forward to today, if you remember in the beginning, I did say I’m a mom of two beautiful girls. So, if you’re a woman going through infertility issues, I hope you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope you enjoyed my first blog, a.k.a. crash out journal. Haha! I would love to share how my journey went as far as getting pregnant again and my experience with the Fertility Specialist.
THANK YOU!
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